Hippo Hollydays from JodysJungle!

This poem was first read by Gene Nelson on KSFO radio, San Francisco, California...Christmas, 1975.
The first time I heard it, I sent mail (snail mail, there was no email in those olden days) to KSFO requesting a copy,
they sent one. I printed out copies and sent them as Christmas Cards that year.
Twenty years later I added it to JodysJungle.com. I still enjoy it, hope you will too.

FUNNY, FUNNY MOTHER
Author Unknown
See mother
see mother laugh
mother is happy
mother is happy about Christmas
mother has many plans
mother has many plans for Christmas
mother is organized
mother smiles all the time
funny, funny mother

See mother
see mother smile
mother is happy
the shopping is done
Santa is ready
oh, look, look
see the children
see the children watch t.v.
watch, children, watch
see the children change their minds
see them ask Santa for different toys
look, look
mother is not smiling
funny, funny mother

See mother
see mother sew
mother will sew dresses
mother will make robes
mother will make shirts
look, look
mother put the zipper in wrong
see mother sew the dress on the wrong side
see mother cut the skirt too short
see mother put the material away until January
look, look
see mother take a pill
funny, funny mother

See mother
see mother buy raisins and nuts
see mother buy canned pineapple and powdered sugar
see mother buy flour and dates and pecans and brown sugar
and bananas and spices and vanilla
look, look
mother is mixing everything together

See the children
see the children laugh
they are making cookies
see the children press out the cookies
see the children with flour on their elbows
see the cookies burn
see the cake fall
see the children pull taffy
see mother pull her hair
see mother clean the kitchen with the garden hose
funny, funny mother

See mother
see mother wrap presents
see mother look for the end of the scotch tape roll
see mother bite her nails
see mother wrap herself in cellophane
see mother go to the store twelve times in one hour
go, mother, go
see mother run
run, mother, run

See mother trim the tree
see mother have a party
see mother make popcorn
see mother scrub the rug
see mother tear up her organized plan
see mother forget the gift for Uncle Harold
see mother get the hives
look, look
see the faraway look in mothers eyes
mother is disorganized
funny, funny mother

It is finally Christmas morning
see the happy family
see father smile
father is happy
smile, father, smile
father loves fruitcake
father loves Christmas pudding
father loves his new neckties
look, look
see the happy children
see the childrens toys
Santa was very good to the children
the children will remember this Christmas

See mother
see mother slumped in her chair
mother is crying uncontrollably
mother does not look well
mother has ugly, dark circles under her bloodshot eyes
everyone will help mother to bed
mother will sleep quietly under sedation
see mother smile
funny, funny, mother

Martha Stewart's Holiday Calendar

December 1... Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upsidedown and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas Cards.

December 2... Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.

December 3... Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat -o-nine-tails. Flog Gardener.

December 4... Repaint Cistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.

December 5... Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.

December 6... Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration.

December 7... Debug Windows '95

December 10... Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.

December 11... Lay Fabrege egg.

December 12... Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.

December 13... Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.

December 14... Install plumbing in gingerbread house.

December 15... Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.

December 17... Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.

December 19... Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.

December 20... Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.

December 21... Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.

December 22... Celebrate Dave's Birthday!

December 23... Seed clouds for white Christmas.

December 24... Build snowman in exact likeness of God.

December 25... Bear son. Swaddle. Lay in color coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.